When You Get Stuck In A Sticky Relationship

The good news was I had a boyfriend, right? Who woulda thought that a broken foot and a scooter was so sexy!? We met online, naturally. There does not seem to be any other option anymore as girls are afraid of guys and guys are afraid of girls. But….we aren’t supposed to talk about it. Shhhh. So anyway, I met this guy and he seemed great. He was from the south and had a little accent that was just cute enough to make things a tad more than interesting over phone calls. I think that should have been my first clue was that he was willing to be in a relationship with me before actually meeting me first. However, I was desperate enough for some attention and some outside communication because I had been living with my parents for the past few months due to an injury. Sad I know…. plus the foreshadowing that you might already have guessed as well.

So the story proceeds on. This guy did drive down to my hometown where we were able to meet but it was on a weekend and a lot of the places were closed. The guy got mad that we had “nothing to do.” And I was still very limited because I was on a knee scooter. So drives it was. This relationship proceeded to show instances where he would get mad that I did not drive up to see him or that somehow things were my fault if I just expressed how I felt. Again, may I remind you that I was on a knee scooter and he lived more than two hours away. What if I had a flat tire along the way. Just picture me trying to fix a flat tire on a knee scooter...not the greatest or smartest. Plus the whole stranger danger and me being on a scooter in a different town and not able to run away if needed. I just didn’t….feel safe in that situation and he didn’t really seem to get that. So many red flags!

I’m not saying dating this person for the short time that I did was the best decision in my life but it just goes to show how important support systems are in hard times. I really did not lean on them and in turn found trouble! So please learn from my wrongdoings and be wise and stay far far far away from the kind people out there who may not have your best interest at heart.

Here’s some of the behaviors to look out for:

• Gaslighting – when things are somehow turned around and made to be your fault.

• Control – any areas where you feel pushed or just in your gut it feels wrong. Also, if something is very inconvenienced for you or does not make you feel the safest. (It's not your job to manage how the other person acts. That's on them.)

• Disrespect – same as above..

• Intimidation

• Jealousy – I can give you an example: I told this guy in the story of a guy friend that I have. He absolutely lost it and it was a 4 hour long conversation of me trying to calm him down. Ooof. Talk about being mentally heavy.

• Unable to have boundaries – if you feel bad for expressing feelings, worries, and boundaries. That's concerning. (This does not mean we always get what we want, but we all have the things that we are comfortable with and those things that we really are not comfortable with).

• Criticism but this cannot be directed in the opposite direction.

• Egocentricity – yes confidence is sexy; however, there can be too much.

• Emotionally liable - a grown individual should have some 'sense of self.' Understanding your own manners, triggers, etc. is part of maturing. If these are not present, yikes!

• Blame and guilt – this just should not be anywhere. A partner should bring you up not down.

• A reduction in self esteem - trust your gut on this one. You'll know if it's there.

Again all of these characteristics don’t show up on the first date, they show up later after you've been sucked in to their web you could say. Just please use your intuition as you’re smart and don’t let some fool be a jerk to you and try to tell you what to do. Women are very intuitive and we usually 'know' the answer, we just don't want to believe it (or think we can change them). Anyways, good luck out there!! You've got this!